Ho to stop resisting change

Change is a frightening process. It seems to be one of the most challenging aspects of our life. But what makes us resist change so strongly and how can we stop resisting change? In my client work I’ve seen various levels of resistance to change and I found some common causes in the process and as many ways of fighting them. Here they are: Safety. We tend to feel safe in a familiar environment. Change means giving up the comfortable NOW for the unknown of the future and we all find it difficult to handle insecurity. This keeps us in unhappy relationships, in jobs we hate and in destructive patterns of behaviours. I encourage my clients to first identify the pros and cons for changing, then visualise that change happening to expand their perspective beyond the present moment. Exploring the benefits and loses of change helps us develop a more …

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7 common threats in our relationships

Building and maintaining healthy relationships can bring us a sense of connection, fulfillment and safety also infinite joy and happiness. Relationships however are not easy at all, in fact, they can make our lives miserable sometimes.  In my work with people across various cultures I found 7 common threats in our relationships. COMMUNICATION We find it difficult to openly communicate our needs so the others understand exactly what we want, when we want it and how we want it done. We imagine our partners and others know us enough to read our minds and we build up internal tension when we don’t get the desired response. SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS We believe there is only one reality in this world. That’s a faulty belief. In fact, each person has their own reality and should be accepted as a valid perspective by all of the others. There is no ultimate right and wrong. Everything …

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5 benefits of forgiveness

We all get hurt in life, but not all of us can forgive and move on so I am writing this for in case you struggle to remind you of the 5 benefits of forgiveness.  Forgiveness is difficult in circumstances where the abuse has left scars deep inside our hearts and souls, but holding onto them keeps reenacting the suffering.  Too very often I see clients stuck in their painful past experiences, unable to accept what happened and unwilling to discuss about it and this is not helping them. In order to find inner peace we need to break through the suffering and resistance and take action. We need to understand what happened, to accept those experiences and learn from them. We also need to embrace forgiveness which is absolutely essential for our mental wellbeing. Here are 5 benefits of forgiveness: Forgiveness lessens your anger and resentment and allows you …

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Case study: Can you rewire my brain in 10 min?

This is the question I got recently from a client: Can you rewire my brain in 10 min? It left me a bit surprised, but only a little as I have by now got used to people asking unusual questions.  “I have surely seen the human mind growing and refining in clients, but I cannot see how you can actually rewire such a complex system in 10 minutes”, I replied. The client went on to explain that he read about different techniques promoted online which he wanted to try. These situations are common in the therapy space. Clients come sometimes with (unrealistic) expectations which become real obstacles in their self-discovery, healing and personal growth journeys. I have met clients who listened to my explanations but I also met others were too stuck in their mind programming and were looking for immediate and life changing results. In this instance, the client …

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What does it mean to take care of myself?

My favourite way of saying good bye is “take care of yourself”. Now and again people ask me: “what do you mean by that, what does it mean to take care of myself?”. Good question, perfect for a little analysis. Here’s some posible reasons for the confusion around self-care: 1. You think it is an act of selfishness if you put yourself first. This is one of the most common misconceptions people bring in the therapy room.  They say they put others first as they don’t want to be perceived as being selfish (or narcisistic). It is very often just a justification for the lack of self care and an abandonment of self. Co-dependency thrives in this environment when you gravitate around the other (partner, parent, child) forgetting about your own needs. 2. You see no clear boundaries between narcisism, selfishness and self-care. Where does one stops and the other starts? …

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How might Coronavirus shape the humanity?

It is March 2020 and although it is hard to look ahead into the future right now we can already see some trends that signal how the Coronavirus might shape the world and the humanity. Working from home at a large scale has created a precedent that will see more remote job offers available in the future.  Children schooling on digital platforms will also change the way we look at the educational system. Feeling threatened by a small virus that can barely be seen under the microscope and is not even considered a living species by the scientists reminds us that, despite its significant developments over the past decades, medicine is still experimental. There could be a change in how we look at our humanity in the large universe. Encouraged by the advancement of industrial, technological and digital revolutions we, humans, have learned to believe that we hold supremacy in …

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Are we dependent on the benefits of anxiety?

About 15 years ago I wrote a dissertation for my CBT masters course investigating the efficacy of the integrative psychotherapies in the treatment of anxiety.  It feels like a long time ago and there’s been many changes in the world since. Yet, what I see unchanged is how anxiety affects people. So, I’ve been asking myself in time what is actually happening with us people? Are we dependent on the benefits of anxiety? What seems to come up all the time from my reflection is that what we call anxiety is not an illness as such but a sense of fear we all experience to a degree or another in life. So the question is now, why some people experience less fear and other much more? Why some people can move through stages of temporary fear whilst others get stuck in them? Is it an illness or a personal choice, …

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The painful truth about depression

Have you ever felt low in life? You are not alone. Me too, and like us most likely every other human being. Let’s talk a little bit about the painful truth about depression. It is by far the most common mental health condition that affects people everywhere around the world. Whether it is feeling low, not being able to sleep, feeling withdrawn and isolated or not having energy or interest in life and activities, or lacking appetite, having suicidal thoughts and a general feeling of hopelessness, depression can be very challenging. What is beyond medication and short term counselling? Doctors sometimes prescribe you medication and counsellor or psychotherapists use talking therapies to help you reinstate a sense of wellbeing, but it is not always a straightforward process. The trouble is that if it is not dealt with appropriately it can have very negative consequences on your life also on your family, …

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5 Insane Myths About Human Personality

Based on my statistics, 1 in 3 clients are confused around their personality. Are you one of those that believe in these 5 insane myths about human personality? Myth 1: Some poeple have no personality at all. False. Psychology tells us that that all people have their own personality as a way of thinking and behaving that makes them individuals and somehow different to the others. We don’t even need the science to tell us what is obvious: all people develop their own way of being as they go through life. The misconception starts with the social trends that see people “with personality” as “outgoing”, more “pleasant”, “vocal” and “original”.  Those that are more “reserved”, less “talkative” or “private”, are perceived as “bland”, “annoying” or “boring” and will be excluded. But how did we get here? Myth 2: Our personality is our social persona. False. If we look back in …

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Life Between Seeking and Finding Spirituality

I am reminded often in my work with people that, in a way or another, we all try to make sense of who are we, why are we here on Earth, what is our purpose and who created the universe around us. In seeking answers some of us follow religions and believe in Gods or other higher-powers, and others, more skeptical, look at sciences. Like me, perhaps some of you have explored both and when neither of these have offered you the answers that you were looking for, you started looking through the emptiness and despair in your soul right towards the prayer. The healing power of prayer is an undeniable human experience common to millions on this planet, irrespective of a religious doctrine. Nowadays, however, I am learning that many people are searching the soul outside the religion realm and turn their face to a new way of being, embracing spirituality. …

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