Technology is ravaging our relationships

At the beginning of 2020 we were already highly digitalised, but the Coronavirus pandemic has changed our relationship with the technology even further. We are now in the 2nd quarter of 2021 and the stories I hear from people are worrying and leave no space for doubt: technology is ravaging our relationships accross all 4 relationship circles. Parents struggle more than ever to mind their children 24/7 and the mobile phone and tablet babysitters are now common from the toddler age. Many kids have their own phone or tablet for games these days and adolescents also spend excessive time on their devices alienated in their virtual world every day.  It must be really hard to parent young children these days. It was hard on my time too 3 decades ago. My son is a millennial, he’s 31 now, but when he was little I did not have to face this …

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What happened when I hit a wall and I felt stuck

There’s been so many times when I hit a wall and I felt stuck, unable to move forward, and so many times I struggled in relationships that I simply can’t remember them all. What I remember though is how it felt at the time and the learnings I took with me from each and every experience. Some relationship issues have been epic and it still feels slightly uncomfortable when I revisit them in my mind. But their teachings are so powerful that makes the inner and outer conflicts I would say necessary and even transformational. You might be thinking what on earth I am talking about? Do I sound like I speak with gratitude about my past struggles? Yes, that’s exactly what I am doing. If you wonder if I am nuts, let me say that I am telling you the truth. There is no change without a bit of …

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How these values keep your relationships happy and safe

Today I am going to share with you the values that will keep your relationships happy and safe. I call them The Upwards Value Staircase because one builds on the other and the absence of one makes the others futile. So let’s have a look at what I compiled for you: 1.Respect/fairness/equality. They are in my mind the same thing and I consider them the foundation of a good character and the essence of morality and a good life. Lack of respect is found in narcissism, paranoia, extremism and other antisocial behaviours. Respect is essential for healthy relationships and very important in building trust and cooperation. 2.Freedom/independence/autonomy. I feel that they mean the same thing and I see them after respect as the next mandatory value towards a decent life. Lack of freedom leads to depression, anxiety, PTSD and suicide. Relationships without freedom, independence and autonomy become abusive,  controlling and …

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How do our minds get programmed?

When we are born we have no mind. Just a brilliant brain that can be programmed. The question is how do our minds get programmed? The early programme becomes the “Tunnel Mind” The first programme is installed in our minds by our parents, the school and the world around us. I call this early mind the Tunnel Mind because it is conditioned to think and behave in certain ways as appropriate within the family and cultural structures. You are told that a tree is a tree and you believe it. You are told that an apple is an apple and you believe it. Whatever you are told in your first years of life becomes your “reality” and to a larger extent your “truth”. In the Tunnel Mind all mental processes work as programmed during your early experience in life. They shape your life. They become your life. And you become …

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Searching for meaning in a world “on pause”

Coronavirus Pandemic has become the time when we are searching for meaning in a world “on pause”. This prompts us to look deep inside our hearts and what we see is not always pleasant. Because there comes a time in life when… We are questioning what brings meaning and purpose in our lives; We feel deep inside you that life could be much more than this; The truths we’ve been holding onto are harshly shaken; Following our idols makes us forget our own stories; We hit massive setbacks despite our hard work and dedication; We lack inspiration and we struggle to break through; We care about what others think of us; We struggle to understand the others and the world around us; We feel tired of moving through pressure and conflicts; We wish to nurture positive and satisfying relationships; We dream about healing our inner wounds;  Life becomes so much …

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How to successfully manage relationship tension in pandemic

Many people have felt challenged in their relationships during this pandemic. There is no doubt that being together all the time is unusual for some of us and demands for new ways of  being and new ways of living. How do we cope when the stress levels are going up? What do we do when there is conflict and the tension intensifies? Some people know how to successfully manage relationships tension, but others are struggling a lot. Let me share who I’ve seen in my work to do well during these difficult times. It is the families that talk to each other, those that communicate and keep the dialogue open whatever happens. Also those that are honest and transparent in their communication do even better than the ones that hide their feelings. Why are these people keeping their relationships in peace? Because they don’t just pile up on tension and …

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Case study: Diagnosed by Dr. Google

I thought I’d share with you a case study from my work with clients to raise awareness that sometimes in our need to understand what’s happening with us we rush into drawing conclusions and put labels on our thinking and behaviour that can be very detrimental to our wellbeing, especially when we get diagnosed by Dr Google.                                                                                               xxx She wanted to see me “as soon as possible”. When I hear that request I am tempted to imagine an emergency situation so I created urgent space and prepared for the worse scenario.  At the time of the appointment I open the door and I see a …

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10 steps towards healing

We all get hurt in life constantly, but did you know that we can repair our being as we go along with these 10 simple steps towards healing? Healing comes in many shapes and forms and through a large variety of channels.  Healing is in fact right here, within you, in front of you, around you… all you need is to allow your senses to connect with it. 1. Art Art is a free and very powerful avenue for healing. Immersion in arts connects you with your senses in ways that no other activity can replicate, and art is in everything. Music, dance and other forms of performing art expression like movies, theater, opera, ballet are all amazing instruments of education but, also avenues for inner healing. Listening to music that resonates within you allows your hearing to open its doors to the beautiful message of the melody and lyrics …

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Why I use “mental wellbeing” instead of “mental health”

I get asked sometimes why I use the term “mental wellbeing” instead of “mental health” and what is the difference between the two. The truth is that I stopped using “mental health” and “mental ilness” exclusively as soon as I started to distance myself from the medical model and look at our life experience beyond labels, categorisations and diagnosis. This is how the concept of “mental wellbeing” set naturally into my narrative. But how do I make sense of this and how to I answer my clients’ queries? This is the real challenge. So, let me share that I do no longer believe in dualism. I might have been programmed when I was little to think of life in terms of “either” – “or”, but in time I gave myself persmission to choose to think differently. Therefore, I do no longet believe someone or something has to be good or bad, …

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Amazing Personal Development Tools To Transform Your Life Right Now

“I am tired of reading self-help books and see no improvement”. “I am tired of trying various therapies and see no real change”. This is what I often hear from my clients before they try my personal development tools that transforms their lives. My 4 essential tools for self-discovery, healing and personal growth are at the core of my Expansive Psychotherapy approach which I created over the past 2 decades inspired by my own personal journey and the learnings from my clinical work and practitioner research. What I found the most useful in my personal development journey and my client work too was to keep the experience as “personal” as possible. In other words, it is vital to stop following other people’s ideas and philosophies of life and move your attention inwards.  When you work with me we will start in the here and now and explore your current circumstances. …

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