Today I am going to share with you the values that will keep your relationships happy and safe. I call them The Upwards Value Staircase because one builds on the other and the absence of one makes the others futile. So let’s have a look at what I compiled for you:
1.Respect/fairness/equality. They are in my mind the same thing and I consider them the foundation of a good character and the essence of morality and a good life.
Lack of respect is found in narcissism, paranoia, extremism and other antisocial behaviours. Respect is essential for healthy relationships and very important in building trust and cooperation.
2.Freedom/independence/autonomy. I feel that they mean the same thing and I see them after respect as the next mandatory value towards a decent life.
Lack of freedom leads to depression, anxiety, PTSD and suicide. Relationships without freedom, independence and autonomy become abusive, controlling and unbalanced.
Freedom, independence and autonomy build on respect, fairness and equality and sustain a healthy relationship.
3.Authenticity/honesty/integrity. They mean the same thing for me. I find authenticity essential for good mental health as I noticed that most illnesses (if not all) tend to develop in the space of secrecy and deceit.
Lack of authenticity leads to addiction and other types of obsessions and compulsions. The absence of authenticity kills relationships in the same way its presence in the absence of respect and freedom makes relationships toxic.
4.Kindness/care/compassion. I feel that kindness, care and compassion lead to empathy, acceptance, tolerance and forgiveness and are all expressions of love in its larger form. These values are absolutely vital to a happy relationship with the self, family, others and the world.
Lack of love and connection leads to psychosis, self-harm, suicide and low self-worth. Relationships are very painful and destructive if they are not surrounded by love, care and compassion. Similarly, a caring approach that lacks respect, freedom and honesty can make relationships suffocating and poisonous.
5.Openness/peace/aliveness. When you are rigid and inflexible you cannot open to happiness and enjoy life. A curious attitude, accommodating of different opinions and receptive to new ideas and experiences brings aliveness and vitality into your life.
When you are open and alive you feel at peace, and you live in synergy and alignment with your true self.
Lack of openness leads to anxiety, disturbed sleep and physical illness. You feel at peace, open and alive when you live with respect, autonomy, honesty and kindness.
6.Awareness/presence/consciousness. We can be honest and respectful, we can feel independent and compassionate towards ourselves and the world and we can experience vitality in life, but without awareness they mean nothing as we cannot capture them in the “now”, in the present moment.
Lack of awareness keeps us on a low level of consciousness operating from the Tunnel Mind and provides no self-discovery, healing and personal growth.
When we live with respect, kindness and honesty, in freedom, openness and authenticity we stand a better chance to grow awareness and access a higher level of consciousness and personal elevation.
Can we grow these values?
Now, the question I get often asked in my work and social life too is “can we grow these values or we are born with them?”. I say “Yes” to both parts of the question. Let me explain how I see it.
The values do not belong to us. They are pieces of knowledge, particles of energy that circulate in the universe and sometimes we enter their frequency. We can say “Hey, respect, hey freedom… I like your vibration” or we can think “What on Earth is this kindness about? How can I be caring and compassionate when I have been hurt and abused and neglected and people have treated me bad?”.
Both of these scenarios are valid as they, again, are part of the knowledge and larger consciousness surrounding us and they naturally tease us and want our attention.
We can value respect or completely ignore it. We can aim to be free or we can become dependent on others. We can be honest at times and deceitful other times. We can be kind or we can be evil. We can be open or obtuse. We can be mindful or oblivious. There is no doubt, we can make a choice at any moment in our lives.
These values are options unfolding in front of us and when we embrace them and keep them close to our heart we give ourselves access to happier and safer relationships.
What if you can’t always stay true to your values? The art is to balance everything in life, including your values. It is impossible to stay inert and unchanged as a human being in such a dynamic world. The skill is to observe inside of you the mind programme operating at the time and take your values into account in any action you take.
It worked for me and it worked for many people that I guided through their inner worlds. The result is amazing. We truly feel happier when I operate from our values. You know why? Because when you function in life based on your values you operate from your Village Mind, from your choice mind and when you do that you are most likely aligned with your real self and what is true and meaningful to you.
There is no doubt that what you stand for shapes your life so strip yourself from “false” values and hold on to the values that keep your relationships happy and safe in life. That feels awesome and makes life so much more worth living!