How can I be more confident?

How can I be more confident? Many of my clients ask themselves this question? Confidence comes across in my work frequently and I thought it’s worth reflecting on it a little. Some say that you are either confident or not. Others believe that confidence is a quality you can nurture and develop in life. We rarely speak about how we become confident and what knocks down our confidence in the first place. Growing up with a critical mother or a disapproving father can make the children in us feel small and insignificant. Having teachers in school discouraging us in taking part in competitions and events or making negative comments around our performance in a discipline or another can also make us believe we are not good enough and some of us will sadly conclude they will never be good enough whatever they do. Most people have been through at least one …

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Quite simply, defined by individual similarities

Have you ever wondered why the entire world has concentrated for the last century on individual differences? Humans have always been aware that they are alike and also different in how they experience life, but there has been very little focus on similarities and excessive attention on differences. I ahve been wondering for years why is that happening? My experience of working with diverse people made me believe that the world would be more peaceful if we could focus on individual similarities instead of individual differences. This way we could learn to see the person next to us as a similar being and not a different one and will stop the insane trail of competition our minds enter by default. Feeling similar will foster connection, more understanding of the other person and more acceptance. I am thinking that if we are to make a positive change in the world we …

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Do you know people with(out) personality?

I hear often that some people have personality and others don’t. It sounds like a harmless comment, but many are affected by its impact and live their lives feeling insecure and inadequate. Psychology tells us that that all people have their own personality as a way of thinking and behaving that makes them individuals and somehow different to the others. Our observations will also show us that all people develop their own way of being as they go through life. Yet, we categorize people, a tendency deeply rooted in our human minds, and by doing that we reinforce a set of desired behaviours which put a lot of pressure on us all. We think of people “with personality” as “outgoing”, more “pleasant”, “vocal”, “original”, and we seem to find them popular. Those that are more “reserved”, less “talkative” or “private”, are perceived as “bland”, “annoying” or “boring” and will be excluded. But how did …

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Do you recognize these human personality myths?

Most of us have used at least one test to find out more about our personality profile. Many of us have probably integrated the result of that test into our identity and would describe ourselves using desired qualities such a “resilient”, “patient”, “creative”, “hard working”, “confident”, “reliable” and so on. Very few of us will talk about the less pleasant aspects of our being and some of us remain truly convinced that they are perfect and have nothing to work on. To a level or another, we are probably all deluded in our image about ourselves, as well as in our view of the others and the world around us. How else can we be when we grow up and live in a world that discourages imperfection? The reality of our human nature is, however, a bit different. None of us is perfect or will ever be, and none of us will have a fully positive personality. Yet, many myths about human …

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You can choose who you want to be

We, people, value our independence. We like to feel free to move, think and behave and we like to feel free to make choices. There are however some basic facts about our nature which are little contemplated, yet quite essential to our wellbeing.  One of the most important is that we do not get to make all the choices in life. In fact, the concept of choice is another illusion created by the world around us. Humans are not asked for permission to come to life, they just happen to be. Life is a given that can be seen both in positive and negative light, and most people will go through stages that will make their life experience both extraordinary and horrible. My work with clients showed me that the significance of not having a say in coming to life, in what time, place, and in what specific package can be …

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