Based on my statistics, 1 in 3 clients are confused around their personality. Are you one of those that believe in these 5 insane myths about human personality?
Myth 1: Some poeple have no personality at all. False.
Psychology tells us that that all people have their own personality as a way of thinking and behaving that makes them individuals and somehow different to the others. We don’t even need the science to tell us what is obvious: all people develop their own way of being as they go through life.
The misconception starts with the social trends that see people “with personality” as “outgoing”, more “pleasant”, “vocal” and “original”.
Those that are more “reserved”, less “talkative” or “private”, are perceived as “bland”, “annoying” or “boring” and will be excluded. But how did we get here?
Myth 2: Our personality is our social persona. False.
If we look back in history, we see that different human qualities have been valued from an era to another, and what is nowadays perceived as socially acceptable might not have been a norm decades or centuries ago.
Those that have lived to know the world three or four decades ago will remember that life was more relaxed and there was less pressure on individuals to fit a social profile or another at that time.
Technology has changed the world significantly and the fast communication channels and social media have created many trends that continue to contribute massively to how we look at the human personality nowadays.
In a time when being loud and highly shocking sometimes gains attention, there is no surprise that people who embrace a quieter demeanor are classed as lacking personality, nor that those with bubbling personalities are expected to consistently deliver on that.
What we sometimes forget is that the manifested personality is not necessarily our natural way of being but a social persona, and the more distance we put between them two, the less connected with ourselves we become.
Myth 3: We are born with a set personality. False.
Full of energy and social, or withdrawn and isolated, these are behaviours we all have the ability to display, both naturally and artificially. What seems to be common to all of us is the sense of pressure and distress we experience in facing this demanding world around us.
Can you remember a time when you saw someone adopting trends in thinking and behaviour that were in clear conflict with their values, only to present themselves in a more digestible package to others or to gain some benefits? I am sure I can think of at least one time when that happened to me and probably it happened to you as well.
It is true that the expectations for humans have changed over times, but the human being has not changed that much. Essentially, we all want to belong and be liked, accepted and valued by others.
When we do the inner work and we connect with who we really are within, we often find that our social persona is a bit different than our real self. That helps us understand ourselves and others better, but it also brings disappointment and awakening.
It can be painful to realize that for a while or for longer time we lived disconnected from who we were in order to connect with whom we were expected to be. That disharmonious way of living can have great implications on our wellbeing and our quality of life.
Myth 4: We cannot chnage our personality. False.
Now, how can we prevent or repair this gap between who we are and who we think we should be?
Firstly, we can become aware that the world around us has a very powerful influence on us and will continue to shape us despite our resistance. Checking regularly on our thinking and behavior can bring awareness and enlightenment.
Secondly, we can accept that there is no right or wrong in being a certain way or another. We can acknowledge that we are all different, but also very similar in our personalities, and that we can retain our originality and naturalness as we mature through life.
Thirdly, we can accept ourselves as we are and make adjustments if we feel changing will enhance our existence but not for the sake of being liked and validated.
Lastly, we can think outside the box and understand that the misconceptions we hold within about human personality are not an exception and, extrapolating, they might relate to other topics. At a larger scale, when such ideas penetrate our mentality as a society, they integrate in what we hold as “truths” and get passed onto the next generations. This can make our children and grandchildren develop even more extreme views on the desired human personality traits which can reinforce intolerance and division.
Myth 5: We should keep around only people we like. False.
There are no people that you really dislike. People act as mirrors in which uncoinscious facets of our being are beeing reflected on and that creates the resistance in us. When we struggle in the presence of others we have a great oportunity for self-discovery, healing and personal growth.
You can test this right now. Are you up for a challenge? Take a look around you and find someone whose personality you think you might not like that much. Explore if this feelings belong to you personally or have been instilled in you by the world around you.
Ask yourselves how well do you know this person, what might they think of the world, how might they feel within themselves and imagine what could have made them become like that. Try to see if you can separate their social persona from who they really are inside.
In the event your vibe towards them has changed, be proactive and engage with that person. Tell them something positive about their personality, something to touch their soul and remind them about human kindness and compassion we all held deep inside our souls. That simple exercise can change the way you feel inside and might be the catalyst of change for the other person too. And this is how we all adjust and change our personalities all the time.