Why do we want to be perfect?

One of the most frequent problem the clients face in their struggles in life is the desire to be “perfect” and it is not hard to understand why.

Family, school and the world around us teach us early in life to be perfect, to compete and win all the time. This can bring extreme pressure in our lives, yet we do not ask: who is perfect? Does perfection exist or can it be achieved by us people?

The way modern life is organised keeps us all under scrutiny, fearful of being penalised for our errors and focused to enhance our strengths and improve our shortcomings. It is not nice to live under constrains all the time, yet we carry on following the crowds and swallow our distress.

My life and work experience showed me that many people suffer because of the positive and negative reinforcement existent in all aspects of our lives and that keeps them in an alert mode of functioning, unable to relax and unable to let go and just “be”.

The impact of this desire to be perfect is very negative on our wellbeing. Living in that space of imagined perfection allows for little room for self-care and self-compassion and this is why, sadly, most of us learn about these concepts at adult age.

That fear of not being good enough remains a constant in our minds and our mood gets easily influenced from one moment to another. It is painful to live that way each day, but it does not have to be like that. There is an alternative.

I’ve noticed that as soon as people accept they are imperfect, unfinished creations and in continuous development they feel relieved and more at peace.

When we learn to accept our imperfect and unfinished creation we can embrace a more self-caring attitude towards ourselves and then make those changes that will permanently transform our lives the way we want.

To talk to me about your perfectionism and other controlling struggles that bring a lot of distress in your life, email me in strict confidence at office@nicoletaporojanu.com.

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