How can I be more confident?
Many of my clients ask themselves this question?
Confidence comes across in my work frequently and I thought it’s worth reflecting on it a little.
Some say that you are either confident or not.
Others believe that confidence is a quality you can nurture and develop in life.
We rarely speak about how we become confident and what knocks down our confidence in the first place.
Growing up with a critical mother or a disapproving father can make the children in us feel small and insignificant.
Having teachers in school discouraging us in taking part in competitions and events or making negative comments around our performance in a discipline or another can also make us believe we are not good enough and some of us will sadly conclude they will never be good enough whatever they do.
Most people have been through at least one experience that knocked down their confidence in their early years of life and even in adulthood, but strangely enough, not all responded the same.
Whilst some continued to entertain in their minds those negative ideas instilled in them by the powerful voices around them, others took them as challenges and used them to prove that they are in fact worthy human beings.
Lack of confidence can impact our lives terribly. It prevents us from approaching a desired partner, following a dream career, pursuing a hobby and generally leads to giving up on opportunities.
I am going to tell you a few things I learned about confidence over the years:
- We all have infinite resources of confidence within ourselves. It’s already there, we only need to access them.
- Regardless what life events we’ve been exposed to, we can improve our confidence together with our sense of personal worthiness, if we wish to.
- To become more confident, we need to start a journey within and explore what life circumstances have made us feel confident or on the contrary lacking confidence.
- If those authority figures that have shaped our confidence are still around us, we need to remind them about their actions and tell them how they made us feel and the impact on our entire life.
- Lastly, we need to process the emotions associated with those events and the difficulties they have created in our life. We can decide to forgive the people that have put us down and start a new stage in our lives with confidence and self-appreciation for how amazing we really are.
Hope you enjoyed reading it. If you wish to explore this further check out my therapy programmes here.