Building and maintaining healthy relationships can bring us a sense of connection, fulfillment and safety also infinite joy and happiness.
Relationships however are not easy at all, in fact, they can make our lives miserable.
In my work with people across various cultures I found a number of common themes that act as serious threats in our relationships with others.
We find it difficult to openly communicate our needs so the others know exactly what we want, when we want it and how we want it delivered. We imagine our partners know us enough to read our minds and we build up internal tension when we don’t get the desired response.
We believe there is only one reality in this world. That’s a faulty belief. In fact, each person has their own reality and should be accepted as a valid perspective by all of the others.
We set unrealistic expectations and get angry, frustrated and bitter when the others fail to deliver to our standard. In these times we focus on the shortcomings and not on the overall exchange between us which is a superficial and dysfunctional approach.
LITTLE CONFLICT ATTUNEMENT
We forget that our human nature is prone to conflicts and we do not learn to limit the damage when problems arise. This is creating an accumulation of distress and puts a lot of strain on our relationships.
We tend to get stuck in a painful inner experience and we do not embrace healthy ways of dealing with it. We find it difficult to make amends also to give and receive forgiveness which stays in the way of healing.
LACK OF AWARENESS
We learn to function observing the world around us and continue to live by default, following the crowds. We waste significant parts of our lives in darkness, not knowing that we can edit our beings and create stable, caring and compassionate relationships with the ones around us.
We rush into decisions and we do not invest in our relationships properly, running away too early, without giving ourselves the time and space to figure out what we actually have together. Sadly, by doing that we carry with us the loses and unhealthy patterns of relating into our next relationships and this way the vicious cycle continues.
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