Most people live with the desire to grow and develop and have a happy and fulfilling life.
What stays in our way of achieving this is sometimes our own programming and a number of reasoning errors we inherited and continue to pass over from a generation to the other.
Mistake no. 1: We think life is easy
This is wrong. Human existence is not always easy, we like to delude yourself it is, because this is what we’ve been told.
Life on Earth is actually demanding and challenging on many levels and our complex and unfinished human nature cannot help us adjust with ease all the time.
The reality is that we have not been encouraged to talk about our difficulties when we were little and we continue to live like that default, pretending we cope with life and ignoring our real inner feelings.
Shame, guilt, inadequacy and fear mix together within us and keep us away from connecting with our experiences. On top of that, our busy schedules give us sometimes a false sense of happiness or excitement, which is very often just intensity numbing our inner pain.
Mistake no. 2: We want to reach perfection
Perfection does not exist. It is only a social construct, a delusion in our mind. We are all imperfect, but we probably struggle to accept it.
This makes it hard to connect with our weaknesses and vulnerability we hold within because the outside world expects us to be perfect, strong and resilient.
In this climate we have no option than to follow the crowds and do our best to hold it together, but there are times when our self-deception, the distractions or self-medication become less effective in numbing the hurts we trap inside, and this is when we reach out for support.
Mistake no. 3: We think we should be strong at all times
Any person is able to acknowledge that human life is dynamic and is changing rapidly, sometimes in the space of a few seconds.
To expect someone to be strong at all times is insane. It is no different to asking someone to be awake at all times and never go to sleep. That would be unnatural, it will be against our human nature, we will simply not survive.
Being vulnerable is natural, but showing vulnerability comes unnaturally. It is perceived as a sign of weakness and we tend to avoid it at all cost.
But there comes a time when we connect with the source of pain we covered for a long time, which starts coming out, gradually, in layers and outbursts that are hard to control. The sooner we start working properly on ourselves, the quicker the results and the shorter the suffering.
Mistake no. 4: We value other people’s stories more than ours
There is a global trend that encourages people to train the human mind to think positively, increase resilience, focus, perform and never give up. What a seductive idea. Most people embrace it as a natural progression through life and describe it as a personal journey of self-development and, in most cases, it is exactly that.
What this process does not tackle is the vast human experience that lays underneath these expectations and the distress they bring in people’s lives.
Whether we acknowledge it or not, we love movies, television and social media and we invest a lot of time in listening to other peoples’ stories, but we find difficult to listen to our own internal story.
Immersion in our self-discovery process can be frightening, although we are probably aware that whatever we are trying to avoid is already there within us.
It is our social conditioning that prevents us from embracing our inner world and it keeps us at risk at wasting important time of our life if we don’t give ourselves a chance to make sense of who we really are.
Mistake no. 5: We focus on the outer world
In times of hardship, although it would be more helpful to connect with our feelings, listen to their message and learn from their depth, we tend to focus on the busyness of the outer world.
The problem is that the outside world does not really have answers for us and acts more as a distraction.
To preserve our wellbeing, wed need to look inwards, let go of fears and shame, consume the suffering, forgive and heal, and create space for future joy and happiness in our souls.
A good start would be to stop listening to the critical voices of others which we allowed to inhabit our mind for so many years, and consciously learn to hear more of our genuine inner voice.
This will naturally bring light in our minds, warmth in our souls and health in our bodies. All we need to do is to make that jump and shift our perceptions. And know ourselves. Because we are worthy!